Persuing Truth in Relationships - A New Chapter
Relational Truths that set you free
I once heard a man jokingly say that the Covid-19 lockdown forced him to share a house with his wife—and to his surprise, he discovered that she was quite an enjoyable person. While humorous, many jokes hint at truth, often confronting us with our moral and relational trades.
Jesus once said to His opponents that they would “know the truth,” and in doing so, they would experience freedom. The original meaning of knowing the truth refers to a deeper knowledge—far beyond mere awareness of facts. I want to emphasize the same intensity in knowing the truth within relationships. Truth and trust are inseparable partners, and when nurtured, they produce the most beautiful offspring: stability, growth, and freedom.
Pursuing Truth in Relationships
If you’re looking to pursue something worthwhile, consider pursuing truthin your relationship. This pursuit requires more than casual effort—it demands continuous, intentional self-reflection and improvement. Like a K53 learner driver, you must CONSTANTLY observe, adjust, and refine your approach.
The process begins with removing the clutter in your life and inviting your partner to help fine-tune the areas that need work. Too often, we focus on doing good things for others outside our relationships while neglecting our closest loved ones—even to the point where they don’t receive the crumbs under the table.
Ask Yourself:
Why doesn’t my partner know my cellphone or computer password?
Why is my text message inbox always empty?
Why, with an unlimited call package, do I rarely make time to call the kids?
If you find yourself offering weak explanations to these questions, it’s time to reconsider whether you’re truly committed to pursuing truth. And while asking your spouse, “Where do you think I could improve?” might seem noble, be prepared—your attempt to show commitment might reveal uncomfortable truths you’ve been covering up. This applies to pre-marital couples too!
Cultivating Truth in Relationships
Truth in relationships doesn’t just happen—it must be cultivated. Here are some practical steps to get started:
1. Commit to Truth Together
Both parties must agree to pursue truth as a shared goal. This isn’t just a wedding vow; it’s a daily commitment to openness, honesty, and vulnerability.
2. Discuss Consequences of Breaches
Agree on how to handle situations where truth is compromised. Discuss these matters calmly, without blame or confrontation.
3. Address Issues with Care
Ask questions politely, without accusations.
Avoid letting insecurities or jealousy cloud your judgment (more on this in a future article).
4. Identify and Clarify Discomforts
Openly discuss behaviors that cause discomfort in the relationship. Be specific and constructive, focusing on solutions rather than dwelling on problems.
5. Limit Repetitive Negative Behaviors
Work together to reduce patterns of behavior that repeatedly harm trust and stability.
The Importance of the Marital Vow
Marriage is bound by a vow made with God as witness. Unlike other relationships, it’s not a bond you can easily walk away from when things get tough. This vow establishes a foundation for stability—not just for the couple, but for their children and even future generations.
A stable marital environment provides the security and continuity needed for a healthy upbringing. The impact of a stable childhood cannot be overstated. And no, shared custody of your poodle, Fido, won’t provide the same comfort.
Truth and Trust: The Cornerstones of Stability
A vow is built on trust with a trustworthy person, and it carries the expectation of lasting companionship. This is where truth stands in relation to trust—they are intertwined. To maintain trust, you must be willing to go to great lengths to preserve stability, even when the relationship is shaken.
If you’re unwilling to resolve problems and face hard truths, the same unresolved issues will follow you into a new relationship—because you will still be present. Stop assuming that the “other you” (your spouse) is the problem. Instead, face the “you” in the mirror, and allow the “you” (your spouse) on the other side of the discussion to breathe.
Enduring Truth: A Path to Growth
Enduring truth a little longer—even when it’s uncomfortable—can lead to profound growth and understanding. It’s worth the effort to limit conflict and foster deeper connection. Don’t fall into the trap of laziness, where you avoid thinking critically about your role in the relationship.
Engaging in intentional “think time” will help you organize your thoughts, gain clarity, and avoid the embarrassment of being wrong “again.” Truth, when embraced, is not just freeing but transformational—for yourself, your spouse, and your entire relationship.
Final Thoughts
Truth and trust form the bedrock of any healthy relationship. They require effort, self-reflection, and a commitment to continuous growth. While the journey may be challenging, the rewards—a stable, loving, and enduring partnership—are well worth the price.
So, take a step back, clear the clutter, and pursue truth in your relationship. It’s a pursuit that has the power to transform not only your marriage but your legacy for generations to come.
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